By: Dan I. Cook

First off, Happy Holidays to everyone who reads Coral Springs Talk. Since I review great places to eat around here, I’m going to go one step further and recommend a great holiday gift for a friend or loved one in your life.

Now bear with me, have an open mind, and a sense of humor as I discuss this must-have gift. A gift for something no one likes to talk about, but something we all do. The one and only Squatty Potty!

That’s right folks we’re talking about poop. No one likes to talk about this subject but we all do it. That’s right, you’re thinking this review is going to stink but it’s going to be the sweetest thing you’ve ever read.

What is a Squatty Potty?

I never heard of this product before and was told that Howard Stern talks about it on his show on Sirius XM. I don’t listen to it, but I came across a thread on Yelp which explained why this product is so fantastic. The Yelper who started the thread is named Jesse V. and he was writing glorious reviews of the Squatty Potty. I was reading this stuff and I was thinking that this was a bunch of crap, literally.

How Does it Work?

I had to admit the idea of squatting while going to the bathroom just sounded bizarre. So I looked up the website to see if this was real or a joke. Well I’ll be damned, this is real! There was a picture of this woman who was fully dressed sitting on the toilet using this Squatty Potty with a big old smile on her face. I thought to myself, I want to smile on the toilet like her. Come to think of it I’ve never smiled on the toilet, so I’m due.

The website said our modern toilets, which require us to sit, which is all civilized and everything, isn’t the best way to for our bodies to be doing our business. The squatting position improves our ability to eliminate. In the squatting position, gravity does most of the work. The weight of the torso presses against the thighs and naturally compresses the colon. The pressure from the diaphragm supplements the force of gravity. In the end, if you start going more, you may decrease many modern day ailments including bloating, straining, hemorrhoids and constipation.

The premise of this gadget is simple. The Squatty Potty is a mini step stool that is about seven inches off the ground. You sit on the toilet and you place your feet on top of it.

You then take a dump. Nice and easy.

So as I’m reading the website I’m sold that I can smile, my large intestine can smile, and my colon can smile. If only I just buy this thing.

I told my wife that I was getting it and she thought I was freaking crazy. It was only $25 bucks, so money wasn’t the issue. I think the image she had of me on the toilet using this thing grossed her out so much. Plus she didn’t want this apparatus in our bathroom.

Too bad,” I told my wife. “I’m going to get it. I’m going to be smiling like a champ while laying cable.”

Ordering and Use

I ordered it online with no trouble at all. The price was cheap for the basic plastic model and shipping and handling was reasonable too. They had wood ones, but I didn’t want to spend the extra money especially if it didn’t work. I received it within a week and I was a little apprehensive to use it.

Well folks, after trying it, I have to tell you that this thing really works. I’ve had it for awhile now and my bowel movements are as effortless as a women who is giving birth to her eighth child. There is no struggling or any unnecessary pushing required when taking a deuce. You prop your feet up on this contraption and your kids are in the pool in a matter of seconds. Seriously, no crap.

Now to prove to that this works, I’m going to take my iPad on the toilet with me and use my Squatty Potty. I am going to start typing numbers once my feet are in the proper position. When I’m done doing my dirty deed, I’ll stop typing.

Ok hold on….1 2,3,4,5. Done!

See? Incredible.

Bonus Round

An added bonus is using less toilet paper. Your legs are spread more, so there is less friction between your butt cheeks. This in turn causes less clean up and saves me money. Plus, I feel squeaky clean with less work.

One Problem

The only issue is balancing on this thing. Unless you are very flexible, into yoga, or are used to having your legs up near your chest, it’s a weird position to be in. I will say that I have mastered balancing, reading, and typing, while on this thing. It’s still weird having my legs up, but my body knows what’s going on now once I assume that position. Once my legs are up, it’s like stepping on a gas pedal. Boom it’s 0 to 60 in five seconds.

Verdict

I’m a true user and believer of this Squatty Potty thing.

Now all my thanks goes to Jesse V. and the Yelp Talk threads because I would have never known about this crazy thing unless he posted it on Yelp. So remember to tell them at Squatty Potty central that Jesse, Dan and Coral Springs Talk sent you and Happy Holidays folks!

Four Happy Poops!