IKEA: Every Non-Handy Person’s Nightmare

By: Dan I. Cook

I had this nightmare that I went shopping at IKEA because my wife forced me to.

Here’s how it went:

We were picking out items for my son’s dorm. The parking was crazy. I grabbed a cart and wandered aimlessly through this maze of furniture. Row after row, zig zagging thru isles and isles of stuff while bobbing and weaving thru hundreds of people.

I’m sweating now…where is the exit?

I don’t see the damn exit?

Stopping to catch my breath, I look at one of the pieces of furniture and holy smokes: you have to put it together yourself. I look at another piece, same thing.

WHAT? Nothing comes assembled?

 

At that point, a huge allen wrench the size of football goal post floats by my face. I try to grab it, but it’s too fast. Behind me are hundreds of guys trying to grab this big wrench. I give up and start to cry. I look up and see my wife. She is like 20 feet tall. Her voice is booming….

“You are such a baby!”

I start crying again. My wife stomps away and grabs the huge allen wrench and puts it in her gigantic purse. She then swats away all the men, who are real little, all of which were trying to grab the wrench. I smell the aroma of Swedish Meatballs and I start to smile.

Then I woke up.

What the hell just happened? My wife walks out of the bathroom and says, “Don’t forget we are going to IKEA today.” I felt a chill go down my spine.

So I analyzed my own dream.

• If you don’t like shopping, do not go.

• If you cannot assemble a simple TV stand, do not go.

• If you want to feel inferior and be exposed as worthless husband or significant other because of your lack industrial skills, go.

• If you want a cheap lunch of Swedish Meatballs, go.

• If you want acres of acres of furniture and housing supplies, go.

Not recommending this one folks, but if you are handy, love shopping, and meatballs, you will love this place.

Stay Shopping!

IKEA Sunrise

Address: 151 NW 136th Ave
Sunrise, FL 33325

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